Archive for the ‘Monkey Logic’ Category

7/31/14, Point of Order



“Can robots wear hats?” The five year old is struggling with his Lego minifigure. His frown deepens.

“Of course they can, sweetie.”

“Yeah. They can wear hats. But they can’t be dirty. Robots can only wear clean hats.” He declares and looks up at me for confirmation.

“That’s right. No dirty hats for robots.”

I’m glad we got that settled.

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5/20/14, Overheard in the Forest

“I want a catcher’s helmet but my mom won’t get me one,” says a six-year-old neighbor monkey.

“I can help you get that helmet,” declares the seven-year-old.

“You can?”

“Yep. Here’s what you gotta do.” The boys stop walking. “Go ask your mom for the helmet very nicely. Then make your cutest face like this . . .”

The monkey then makes puppy eyes and pout lips.

“That will work?”


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3/19/14, What’s up, Bro?

“Say good-bye, honey.  It’s time to go home.”

“BYE! Bye, Eamon! Bye!” The four-year-old waves frantically at the kids still on the playground then grabs Mommy’s hand.

“Did you have fun at school today?”

“Didya know Eamon calls me ‘Bro’?” His little voice makes every word adorable.

“Oh, yeah?” 

“Yeah.  He says, ‘What’s up, Bro.’”

“He does?” Mommy tries not to giggle as he contemplates this odd salutation.

“I think that means we’re buddies.” He grins widely.

“Yep.” Just too cute. Mom can’t take it.

“Mommy! Stop! I hate kisses!”

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2/5/14, Lord of the Wise

“So, Frankie, if you were Frodo, would you trust Strider if you just met him at the Prancing Pony? Would you follow him into the wild?”

“Hmmm… ”  He narrows his eyes and grabs his chin then says,  “First I would wrestle him to see if he would be any help defeating orcs.”

Mommy laughs. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Then I’d ask him some questions.”

Thinking Monkey

12/29/13, Batteries Not Included

“Hey, Mom?”


“Didntcha know that my tummy ran out of batteries.”

“It did?”

“Yeah. It ran out of batteries and now my body TV turned off.”

“Well let’s recharge your batteries!  Come get some breakfast.”

“No. The only way to get more batteries is to go outside and play in my pajamas.”  He looks down at his four-year-old belly mournfully.

“Um…  Let’s try breakfast first.”

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10/18/13: Call the fire department!

“One more math question.”

“Go to bed.”

“Just one! Come on, Mom!”

“Okay, if the Memory Game has 72 cards and three people play the game and they all tie, how many cards do each of them get?”

“They can’t tie.”

“Sure they can.  How do you split 72 cards between three people?”  That should shut him up.

“That’s 72 divided by 3.  To my Thinking Lab!” He dives under the covers.  He whispers to himself for a few odd seconds before he gives up.  Suddenly the blanket begins convulsing violently.

“You okay?”

He pops up.  “My laboratory’s on fire!”  He disappears under the blanket and flops around some more. “See? It’s burning down!”

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10/17/13, And the answer is…

“Good night, sweetie!”

“Mom. Mom. MOM!”


“Can we play a math game?”

“Honey, it’s time for bed.”


Eye roll.  The nerd-force runs strong in this one.  “Okay.  If there are 5 kids and 20 Twizzlers, how many Twizzlers should each kid get?”

“Just a second!” The monkey dives under the covers.

“Where are you going?”

He pops up. “Into my brain laboratory to think.”

He throws the covers back over his head. Muffled grunts and twitching fingers flutter the blanket for the next 60 seconds.  Brain laboratory?

I’m about to give away the answer when the monkey pops back up and shouts, “FOUR!”

Brain laboratory indeed!

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8/26/13, Things that make you go Hmmm…

“Why are you hanging your monkey by his neck?”

The six-year-old is forcing his favorite stuffed marmoset’s head through a tiny coat hanger.  Its gangly limbs dangle helplessly from the noose  as the hangman hooks it onto his closet doorknob.  Is it time to call a child psychologist?

“He’s guarding the door,” he says simply. Duh, Mom. “You have to answer his riddles if you want to enter.”

“Oh. Okay?”

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7/18/13, The Plan

“Me and Konrad made a map!”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. It shows where we are going to put the cannons!  First we’re going to bomb the Knotsys!”

“The Nazis?  Like in Indiana Jones?”

“Yeah.”  A pensive six-year-old looks up at me.  “Mom, what are Nazis and why did they want to destroy the Jews?”

Long pause.  Oh, dear God.  This talk was going to happen sometime and the time is now?  “Well, when things were bad in Germany after World War I, the people wanted someone to blame for their problems . . .” Deep breath.  “So a terrible man named Hitler convinced everyone that if they destroyed the Jews that all of their problems would go away.  So Hitler and the Nazis did terrible things.  And do you know what?”


“He was wrong. All of their problems didn’t go away, and Germany lost World War II.”  Wait for more questions.  Please don’t ask more questions.

“So first we bomb the Nazis, and then Caves Full of Orcs!”

Phew!  The little monkey is unphased . . . then his last word sinks in. “Orcs?”

He nods. “Then the Evil Elves.  Then England!”

When I stop giggling, I pat him on the head. “Sounds like a plan, honey!”

The Map

6/19/13, Duh!

“Mom, what’s better – a frog or a butterfly?”

“I don’t know.  A butterfly?”

He solemnly shakes his head. Silly Mommy. “A frog. Do you know why?”


“Because a frog can eat a butterfly.”

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