Archive for November, 2012

11/27/12 Gimel Me!

“BOYS!!  If you can’t play nicely, I’m taking the dreidels away!”

11/24/12: You’re it!

The three-year-old is chasing a small terrier around a friend’s house.  Around the table.  Around the rug.  On his feet.  On all fours.  Yapping.  Laughing.  Stumbling.  Rollling.  He finally corners the fur ball in the kitchen and smacks it on the back.

“Tag!  You’re it!”

11/24/12: The Wizard

Daddy monkey plays music in the living room to keep the smaller monkeys from killing each other and help them burn off the evening’s ration of Halloween candy.  After 30 minutes of twitching, spinning, and doing the “butt dance,” the little ones are finally winding down.  Mommy has retreated to her laptop and the littlest one is admiring his Superman coloring book.  No one is paying attention to the music any more except the six-year-old.

The Harry Potter theme song is playing.

The six-year-old is skulking around long enough that Mommy finally takes notice.  He is pacing back and forth with his fuzzy blankie over his shoulders.  It looks less like a warlock’s robe than a bath mat but he doesn’t mind.  He has a broken vacuum cleaner handle in his hand.  He waves it at the ceiling and flashes everyone a sinister glare.  Voldemort is in the house!

11/18/12; Twelve Monkeys


Miraculously, twelve monkeys freeze.  Half are wearing masks leftover from Halloween.  Many have lightsabers in their hands.  Many more have whatever stick they could find in the basement ranging from plastic golf clubs to plastic tent poles to miniature pool cues.  There is a group huddled in the corner mashing Star Wars action figures together with intense dialogue.  One kid is just throwing toys out of boxes to cover the three inches of carpet still showing through the wreckage.  The birthday party started a mere five minutes ago.

“If anyone gets hurt and cries, I am taking away ALL the lightsabers.  Understand?”

I stare them all down with dead serious mom-eyes.  Twelve little heads bob up and down.

“Okay.  Have fun!”

I flee the scene speculating that it will take five more minutes until someone gets cracked in the head.  Even with a three-year-old and a little sister tossed in, it somehow took three hours and an entire screening of Star Wars for one little monkey to break the bonds of silence.  The injury was minor.  Victory is mine!

11/15/12, Face-off

“Mo-ooooooooom!  Frankie’s touching my penis.”

Mommy gears up for a long discussion about privacy and personal space.  Hands on hips, stern Mom-face is in full force.  “Honey, that is NOT okay.  Why don’t we touch other people’s penises?”

“Because they’re poisonous?”

Mom-face collapses into a laugh.  Damn.

11/14/12, Come on, Brain!

“Can you name other friends from school, Frankie?”

“Hmmm…let me think.”  He grunts.  His eyes squeeze shut.  Then his fingers claw at his head.

“Honey, why are you pulling your hair?”

“I’m trying to remember!  Come on, BRAIN!  Come on, work!”

11/12/12: The Evening Parade

“Penis in public!  Penis in public!”  A naked five-year-old waggles in the doorway then streaks down the hall.

“Okay, everybody.  Time for bed.  Let’s get our jammies on!”

Inspired by his brother’s exhibition,  a small voice says, “I got to go potty first.”  Unbuttoned jeans drop to the ankles in the middle of the bedroom and the little penguin hobbles into the hallway.  Itty bitty steps.  Itty bitty tushy.  And the little voice is talking to itself,  “Uh-oh.  Pee is coming out da penis.  Got to walk faster.”  The little penguin speed steps across the hall, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, and just barely makes it to the bathroom without falling on his face.

“Mom!  Look at what I’m wearing to bed!”  The five-year-old jumps back into the doorway with underwear on his head.

“That’s nice, honey.  Now, GO GET YOUR PAJAMAS ON!”

11/11/12, And scene…

After months apart, the young monkeys are reunited with their rarely seen grandfather.  After the “Hi, Grandpa!”s and the “What are you doing here?”s the littlest monkey decides to make an impression on the old ape.

“Hey, Gwandpa Jack!  Watch dis!” He smacks himself in the face a la Yosemite Sam then grins a huge three-year-old-pinch-my-cheeks grin.  Right before the impulse to pick him up and smother him with kisses overwhelms everyone at the table including Grandpa, he adds,  “I gonna kick you in da nuggets!”

And scene…

11/10/12, Quiet in the forest

After hours of yelling, laughing, hitting, kicking, screaming, running, crashing, whining, giggling, and talking, talking, talking, there is quiet in the forest.  Two monkeys sit in two rooms reading two books to themselves.  Their mother tiptoes silently away from their doors and sits in a dark office typing.  She dare not make a sound or turn on a light lest the spell be broken.

11/9/12, Full moon

Left the three-year-old “pooping” on the potty, which mostly consists of just sitting there pretending he’s potty trained and reading a book.  Came back less than a minute later to find him standing at the radiator playing with his bath toys.  With his pants around his ankles.  Apparently when it’s time to play, it’s time to play.