Archive for December, 2012

12/17/12: Lord of the Dance

Walking past a bedroom strewn with Squinkies and Leggos, I hear an odd noise.  It sounds like a pterodactyl or a robot caught in a blender.  It’s the three-year-old.  He’s prancing around – naked.  I stop in my tracks.  Wiggle, wiggle, spin, spin, SCREEECH!  The footwork is quite fancy.  He’s river dancing in front of the closet mirror.  He freezes every few turns  in the mirror and shrieks at his reflection.

I want to say, “Time for bath, so wrap up . . . whatever it is you’re doing.”  Thump.  Thump.  SCREECH!  But one does not simply interrupt the Lord of the Dance.

12/13/12, Magic Mike

The six-year-old comes twirling into my room before bed.  Cloaked in his fuzzy blanket, he spins around then flashes me.   Cape open, Star Wars underpants, sunglasses, and a smile.  I can’t help but chuckle.

“Okay, very nice.  Go get your pajamas on, kiddo.”

But the show isn’t over.  I shouldn’t have laughed.  He spins again and pops open the blanket.  Only this time he’s doing a little butt dance in my direction.  Um…seriously?  I’m really laughing now.

“What are you doing, honey?  Go get dressed.”  I can barely get the words out.

Little Magic Mike doesn’t stop.  He continues to spin and wriggle his hips at me for several more turns until I finally regain my Mom voice.

“That’s ENOUGH!  Pajamas!  Now!”

He shuffles off to Buffalo still smiling.  Don’t forget to tip your waitress!  Try the veal!  He’ll be here all week!

 

12/10/12, Giddyup!

I left the two monkeys alone in the bath for one minute.  When I returned, the youngest was sitting on his brother’s back like a cowboy.  The oldest one was sloshing around the tub on all fours.  Seeing my face in the doorway, they both grinned.  When I didn’t smile back, the six-year-old quickly added, “Oops.”

12/7/12: The Transcript

Looking at pictures taken from a recent trip to the National Zoo unleashed a string of chatter from the three-year-old.  The direct transcript (as taken by the family stenographer) reads:

“. . . the poison balloon just popped then it went up to the ceiling, then we went home. So now we have to find the dark poison leaping dark sidious frog.  Okay? You have to make a teeny tiny arm that has reptiles wound around his cage. Sometimes I get reptiled around his arms and then I get reptiled around his cage. You tie his neck around his frog around a giant fairy wheel like a war frog.  Yeah.  I want a reptile with teeny tiny arms with a reptile wrapped around his neck and face and arm and tummy.”

“Uh . . . Okay, Henry.  Sounds good.”

12/6/12: Fill in the blank…

“Dad!  I know what a girl’s penis is called.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”  The six-year-old puts on his “professor” face.  He is clearly here to teach.  “It’s a . . .”

12/4/12, I gonna tell you a joke

“Mommy?”

“Go to bed, Henry.”

“Mommy, no.  I gonna tell you a joke!”

The cutie-pie smile is too much to resist.  Mommy sits down on the edge of the plastic car bed.  “What’s the joke?”

He crawls up to my shoulder.  “It’s a secret.”  More cutie-pie smiles.

“Okay.”

He cups his tiny hand around my ear and whispers, “Penis!”

 

12/1/12, And then the blood of Elmo…

“I’m making an evil potion!”

“Oh, no!  Not an evil potion!”

“That’s right!  And no one can stop me!  HA! HA! HA!  First we take some acid. . .”  A laundry cap of bath water is dumped into another.  “Then we take a dragon’s tail.”

“You are such an evil scientist!”

The six year old nods wickedly then grabs the loose bath spout protector and dumps more water into the little plastic cup.  “And then the blood of Elmo! HA! HA! HA!”