Archive for July, 2013

7/30/13, The Agony of Defeat

“On your mark!  Get set!  GO!”

Two monkeys tear across the yard.  The youngest is slow on the start but has longer legs.  They’re neck in neck.    They’re tied down the stretch.  The oldest resists the urge to close-line his brother.  They’re running, running . . . right into . . .

“WATCH OUT FOR THE BUSHES!”

CRASH!  They  topple to the ground mere inches from my hydrangeas.

“Guys!  You got to watch where you’re going.  There are rocks over there and . . . ”  I know it’s futile before I even stop talking.  I don’t know why I even waste the oxygen.

“MOM!  Wasn’t that AWESOME?” The six-year-old leaps up and brushes himself off.

The youngest pops up in agreement.  “Look!  Highlights!”

The two monkeys proceed to re-enact the last few steps of the race in slow motion.  They slowly stumble forward with ESPN worthy looks on their faces.  They grunt and grimace as they fall to the ground one inch at a time.  The oldest brushes the hydrangeas in dramatic fashion before collapsing at the finish line.

I laugh.  Oh, the agony of defeat!

Monkey Race

Image Courtesy of www.flickr.com

7/18/13, The Plan

“Me and Konrad made a map!”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. It shows where we are going to put the cannons!  First we’re going to bomb the Knotsys!”

“The Nazis?  Like in Indiana Jones?”

“Yeah.”  A pensive six-year-old looks up at me.  “Mom, what are Nazis and why did they want to destroy the Jews?”

Long pause.  Oh, dear God.  This talk was going to happen sometime and the time is now?  “Well, when things were bad in Germany after World War I, the people wanted someone to blame for their problems . . .” Deep breath.  “So a terrible man named Hitler convinced everyone that if they destroyed the Jews that all of their problems would go away.  So Hitler and the Nazis did terrible things.  And do you know what?”

“What?”

“He was wrong. All of their problems didn’t go away, and Germany lost World War II.”  Wait for more questions.  Please don’t ask more questions.

“So first we bomb the Nazis, and then Caves Full of Orcs!”

Phew!  The little monkey is unphased . . . then his last word sinks in. “Orcs?”

He nods. “Then the Evil Elves.  Then England!”

When I stop giggling, I pat him on the head. “Sounds like a plan, honey!”

The Map

7/15/13, Welcome to our home!

“Hi, Henry! Hi!”

Two bubbly boys bounce into the house.

“Henry, say ‘Hi’ to our friends!  They came over to play!”

He doesn’t speak or smile at them as they kick off their shoes.  His pudgy, little lips rest in a firm line.  His baby blue eyes examine them like insects under a plastic microscope.  Interlopers.

“Hey, silly.  Say ‘Hi!’”

In a grave voice he finally says, “I have Star Wars underpants on.”

Two friends blink at this profound proclamation. One cracks a smile.

“Umm…that’s great, honey.  Why don’t you and your friends go play?”

Image courtesy of www.funnymonkeysite.com

Image courtesy of www.funnymonkeysite.com