Archive for January, 2014

1/16/14, Gorillas in My Midst

How a boy says good morning: “Hey, mom? When can I play video games?”

How a boy eats breakfast: “Get back here, Toast!  I will defeat you! HA! HA! HA!” *Crunch* *Crunch*

How a boy eats lunch: Eat sandwich meat. Break cheese into tiny pieces and scatter. Take one bite of bread and deposit carcass into lunch box. Throw apples into trash.

How a boy eats dinner: “Back off rice! Get out of my beans!” Fork bashes plate. *Clang!* *Clang!* *Clang!*

How a boy brushes he teeth: “Mom, did you know that toothpaste is poison? It will turn me into a slimy frog!”

How a boy says good-night: “It gives me nightmares when you don’t let me watch Star Wars…”

Conclusion: Dian Fossey could have studied apes at home!

Image courtesy of www.nationalgeographic.com

Image courtesy of www.nationalgeographic.com

1/15/14, Bananas!

“Mine’s bigger!”

“No! Mine’s bigger!”

“Nu-uh. See? Mine’s longer!”

“Yeah, but mine’s fatter!”

Really, boys? At 8 am? Before coffee? In the kitchen? Mom slaps the paring knife on the cutting board. Does she even look? “Listen, guys, what the heck are you…”

The monkeys are carefully assessing the two halves of a banana she’d given them for breakfast. Pressed together over the counter, the two halves are measured and weighed until the oldest finally declares, “See! Mine’s bigger.”

“Hey!” his brother whines. “No fair! Mo-om! Frankie’s got a bigger banana than me!”

Then they notice their mother staring at them in mid-sentence. She shakes her head at them both and goes back to chopping apples.

Image courtesy of sipseystreetirregulars.blogspot.com

Image courtesy of sipseystreetirregulars.blogspot.com